You’re having a baby! Congratulations, now what? There’s no shortage of Baby Registry Must-Haves and Checklists, selling you every gadget under the sun: baby monitors, special socks, cribs that rock and hush your baby, formula makers that rival the fanciest espresso machine, toys that promise to improve baby’s cognition week by week. But really, what do you need for your newborn baby?

Modern medicine has tricked us into thinking that postpartum only lasts the first 6-8 weeks, but in reality, it lasts a lot longer. Some say the entire first year, some say until you stop chestfeeding, others say it can last up to 7 years, and then there’s the fact that infancy lasts up to age 3. The truth is, the identity shift you experience as a mother, even if it’s not your first baby, lasts forever. You are always discovering new parts of yourself as your children age and come into their own.

Having a baby should be the happiest time of your life, right? After 9-10 long months, several hours of labor, to say nothing of the planning you may have gone through to even get pregnant, your bundle of joy is finally here. But you feel…lonely. Why is that? And why does no one talk about it?

You’ve planned out your pregnancy, your birth, the nursery, even the outfit your new baby will come home in. But have you planned out your postpartum experience?

While announcing your pregnancy to family, friends, and coworkers is a personal choice, I advocate for telling your manager—if you feel safe to do so—about your pregnancy earlier rather than later. Why do I advise this? First trimester.