A little over a year ago, we were returning from a walk that had suddenly turned cold. Walking into the warm house, I checked on our 3.5 month old baby, who had fallen asleep in the carrier, to see if she would stay asleep or not. Her eyes popped open, and I started pulling off the carrier when she started shaking.

A couple weeks ago, I asked the mentorship group I run at work about how they built their village. One of my mentees turned the question on me, and I tried to think of an answer I hadn’t already given. Suddenly, it came to me: my literal village.

My oldest brought a cold home from school last week, which means that the baby caught it this week and spent three days at home. Because the bar is so low, I’m very lucky to have a partner who does his fair share of the work around the house and who unexpectedly has a very flexible work schedule, and he was able to take a day and a half of hanging out with the baby while I worked. However, on Wednesday, I was on my own.

I’m sure by now that most of us can listen at least two hands all the ways systemic gaps have impacted modern parenting (especially if you live in the US). To start, when we first bring that bundle of joy home from the hospital, a growing number of us now bring that baby home to, at best, maybe a set of grandparents or other extended family member/s. Add in the lack of adequate parental leave, and those first few months of parenting can feel isolating. Even as your child ages, it doesn’t get any easier with everyone leading their own busy lives.