Why should I get a postpartum doula?

You’ve planned out your pregnancy, your birth, the nursery, even the outfit your new baby will come home in. But have you planned out your postpartum experience?

Lots of soon-to-be-new moms picture sleepless nights and days at home snuggling our new baby. Sure, it’ll be hard. But it can’t be that hard, can it?

Our modern society doesn’t often spend a lot of time around babies, pregnant, or newly postpartum people as we grow up. Often, the first diaper you’ll change is our own baby’s, and all you have to go on for those first nights at home is what your friends and family can tell you. So you take the classes, that prep you for the basic baby care and what labor and delivery are going to be like, you stock our freezer full of meals, and (if you’re lucky), you plan out our parental leave and eventual return. But the truth is, most new parents aren’t truly prepared for what happens to their identity and their relationships when they bring home a new baby.

Suddenly you’re dealing with overwhelming anxiety, or you’re not bonding with baby as much as you feel you should be. Bodyfeeding is painful, or baby is feeding constantly and everyone is telling you you’re not making enough milk and you’ll have to supplement. You suddenly hate your partner, even though you don’t know why, and those family members and friends can’t stop giving you well-meant but unhelpful advice, like “you’re going to spoil that two-day old baby by picking them up every time they cry!”

Enter the postpartum doula. This postpartum doula is there, not to help take care of the new baby (because you’ll have plenty of help with that, more than you’ll actually want, in fact), but to help take care of the new parents. The postpartum doula can tell you things like “it’s normal to feel this way” or “your baby is gaining plenty of weight and this is normal early bodyfeeding behavior” or “you don’t have to even let your great aunt Edna in the house if you don’t want to listen to her tell you to put rice cereal in the bottle again”. They can wash your dishes, cheer you on as you bathe your baby for the first time, make sure you shower, and even listen to your rant about your partner or your family members. They are there are a friendly, helpful, non-judgemental ear for you to lean on, in a time that feels like you can’t grasp any solid ground. A postpartum doula can help make the difference between surviving and thriving.

But you have plenty of family to come help! Why would you need a postpartum doula? Well, sometimes family is well-meaning, but they are heavily biased. Sometimes they are just crazy about holding that baby. Sometimes it’s been a long time since they’ve raised babies and their advice is terribly outdated and unsafe. A postpartum doula has up-to-date training on infant safety, baby care, and even has training on supporting your emotional health and transition to parent. They aren’t there to push a certain parenting style on you, and don’t get offended if you don’t follow their suggestions. Some don’t even hold babies while they are working with you! They are just there to walk with you for awhile as you make this journey.

So if you’re on the fence about getting a postpartum doula, take that next step and reach out to a few. Interview a couple, and see if you develop a rapport with one. You might find that, even if you think you have enough support, that postpartum doula will be the piece of your postpartum plan you didn’t know you were missing.