What do I actually need for my new baby?

You’re having a baby! Congratulations, now what? There’s no shortage of Baby Registry Must-Haves and Checklists, selling you every gadget under the sun: baby monitors, special socks, cribs that rock and hush your baby, formula makers that rival the fanciest espresso machine, toys that promise to improve baby’s cognition week by week. But really, what do you need for your newborn baby?

Clothes, of course. Diapers, always. A way of feeding baby—if you know right away you’re going to formula feed you’ll need bottles, and I do recommend finding a method for batch-mixing your day’s formula. And a place for baby to sleep, which brings us to what baby truly, really needs, especially in those first few days and weeks:

YOU.

That’s right, you are what baby needs the most. Not fancy gadgets, not a tricked out crib or the most expensive swing you can find. If you are planning to give baby human milk straight from the tap, you don’t even need bottles! And as for places to sleep, baby is most often happiest sleeping on you. You are the only home they’ve ever know. Your heartbeat, and smell feel safe to them. It’s no wonder that baby refuses to sleep anywhere else.

But what if you need to sleep, and baby refuses to sleep anywhere else? In that very likely case, refer to the Safe Sleep 7, which will help you set your sleeping space up safely. If baby refuses to even sleep next to you, then safe chest-sleeping is your next best bet. And if you’re afraid of doing something outside the norm, remember this: for most parents, it’s not if they are going to bedshare with their baby, it’s when. Setting up your space for safe bedsharing, even if you plan to use a bassinet or crib, even if your baby has no problem at all sleeping in the bassinet or crib from the first night, may just help give you some comfort in knowing you have an option.

Now that you know what your baby actually needs, what do you tell all those well-meaning relatives who ask you for your baby registry? Clothes, of course, all always an option, especially larger sizes that baby will grow into. Diapers are also a great option. But something that gets overlooked is postpartum support. Gift cards for meal delivery services, temporary housecleaning or pet care, or even money for a postpartum doula can be extremely helpful. And if you’re having a hard time asking for these things, remember that it’s now common for engaged couples to include a honeymoon fund on their wedding registry. It should be no different to including a postpartum fund on your baby registry!

So worry less about educational toys and think more about how you’ll nurture your baby and yourself those first few weeks. You’ll find that, at the end of the day, you and your baby will miss out on nothing, and you might even have an easier time those first few weeks.