Musings from our first international trip as a family
We recently returned from a family trip to Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka. This isn’t a travel blog, so I’m not going to make recommendations for gear or places to stay or visit. However, I’ve heard that traveling anywhere outside of the US (where I reside) is a culture shock in how children and families are viewed, and Japan was no exception. Below is a list of items that impressed me, a US traveler with young children (6.5 and 1.5 years old).
Nurseries
Hands-down, my favorite part about traveling with young children in Japan were the nurseries. Nearly every large building or public location we visited had a nursery, and I made use of them as often as possible! The nurseries were actually large rooms with changing stations, vending machines full of coffee and juice, filtered water machines with warm water for formula, and private nursing rooms. They were air-conditioned (a HUGE plus when the temp was 90+ degrees every day), and had plenty of seating. They were also not mom-only! My husband took our infant into one and changed her diaper, then handed her over to me to nurse in one of the private rooms.
And they really were everywhere. Shopping malls, Disneyland, transit stations, department stores. They were clearly labeled on the site maps, and, like everything else in Japan, signs leading you to them were clearly marked. I’ve only found one similar location in the US, at a local shopping mall, and the facilities were still lacking, with only 1 or 2 changing tables, compared to row of 6 or more with standup changing stations for older infants and toddlers, and there is no vending machines or hot water machine for formula.
I loved having a place where I could take a break from the heat, noise, and crowds, and quietly nurse my young toddler without any distractions. She has taken to twiddling, lately, while she nurses, so knowing I wasn’t going to be flashing a subway car full of strangers on their way to work in the morning was certainly a plus.
Changing tables at a mall in Tokyo
Water station for formula
Bathrooms and Changing Stations
While nurseries in public spaces were fairly common, even more common was that every bathroom had one or more stalls with an infant holder and/or changing station. The infant holders are something I usually only see in what we refer to as a “family bathroom” in the US, but in Japan, they were available in at least one stall in every (I can only speak for the women’s bathrooms). The stalls with infant holders and/or changing tables were also clearly marked on the outside of the stall so that you could quickly see which stall would be best to use, as opposed to assuming that the accessible toilets would have a changing table, and then taking up that space just to change a diaper. This also doubled as inclusiveness, because there often was a separate bathroom that doubled as an accessible bathroom, with a changing station.
A sign outside of an accessible bathroom in Kyoto
Lines/Queuing Accommodations
We noticed this right away when we got off the plane in Tokyo, when customs agents waved us through a line once they saw us with a stroller and two kids. From then on, it seems that when people saw us in a line with a stroller, they would quietly wave us through, or fast track us through a line. This happened in Disney Sea, and well as through security in Osaka airport. There were also times when people would allow us to go on ahead or make room when they saw us with the stroller, or even just holding the baby. It was nice to feel some empathy.
Restaurants
My toddler chose our first international trip to explore the full range of her toddler emotions, which made eating out difficult. Another added complexity was that she has an applesauce addiction and there is zero applesauce to be found in Japan. However, wherever we went, both she and my 6 year old were given their own kid-sized utensils, plates, and cups. The toddler learned how to drink out of an open cup on our trip out of sheer necessity, and the 6-year old finally learned how to use chopsticks! And, as always with small children, we would leave a huge mess on the floor. In the US, we try to at least clean up the worst of it and no one bats an eye. In Japan, we had multiple people tell us not to worry about it. Whether this was a cultural thing or not, it was nice to even be acknowledged as a family with small children, with accommodations like place settings and even bibs.
General Attitudes
There seems to be an unspoken rule in the US that if you have young children, you are supposed to pretend that they do not exist, or you force them to act like adults in order to be socially acceptable. In Japan, there was a lot less pressure for our children to “behave”. Strangers on the subways would engage our youngest when she struggled with having to be held during rush periods. We found that peekaboo is universal, no matter the language. It was so refreshing that our kids could act like kids and no one gave us the stink eye. If someone saw we had young children, they would quietly accommodate us, no questions asked. Not once did it feel like special treatment, it just felt like people making a tough moment just the smallest bit easier for us, instead of watching struggle.
It really was refreshing to not feel like a burden on society because we have children with childlike needs. Even though traveling internationally with children is tough, it was made easier because we didn’t have the added stress of fearing that we were putting others out with our boldness to exist as a family outside of our home. It was a reminder that children can actually be valued members of society, and that caregiving is a valuable job.
Overall, the trip to Japan ignited the desire for us to travel more as a family, and we are starting to put together a list of countries that we’d like to visit. At the top of my list are Portugual and Spain, as I’ve heard that both countries are very family-friendly! I am very excited to see how other cultures view children, families, and caregiving, and perhaps bring a little bit of that back home.
